@Ree@Dreamwidth.org

Man, I keep forgetting to write here.

After a string of days ranging from downright unhappy to so-so, today has been distinctly good. Lots of little things: an inexplicable stain that washed out perfectly, one load of dishes less than usual, a sizable cache of discounted Hallowe'en candy, the discovery that http://rainwave.cc/ is basically my iTunes library but more.

I fell into the usual Circle Ent. trap again. That is, Circle had a game on the 3DS eShop sale, and it had a demo, so I played the demo; the demo cut off just when I was getting really into it, so I bought the full version so I could continue playing. This time it's Fairune; last time it was Witch & Hero. Someday I'll stop being surprised.

Anyway, Fairune is fun. Very short, but fun. The iOS and Android versions are free; the 3DS version (which has a few puzzles the free versions don't) is normally $3, currently marked down to $2. And I get to play as a girl! I get to start in a pretty dress (the game even says so) and then I get to gear up and fight evil. Yay!

I made a shortsighted New Year's resolution that I would spend as much or more time playing as a female protagonist as a male. Since my main gaming loves are turn-based RPGs, Zelda, and some Mario, I am dearly looking forward to the end of the year and the return of my old favorites. (At some point I stopped keep track and just didn't bother to play anything unless I could play as a girl, having gotten thoroughly pissed off at my meager options. I've since caved to a playthrough of EarthBound, which currently sits around two-thirds in, but I'm sticking to my guns. Or, you know, to my Sword of Hope or Cracked Bat or whatever.)

The thought occurs that I abuse commas. Whoops. I'm out of practice at this writing thing.

After a rough patch earlier in the month, I feel like I'm getting a handle on my moods.

I've completely changed my workout goals: instead of trying slim down, I'm trying to manage my anxiety. Now, I don't know if what I'm doing is a 100% Good Idea, so don't try this at home, but what I do is warm up, then try to get my heart pumping like a hummingbird's. Some mornings it feels a little like I might throw up, but the gross feeling isn't in my stomach - it's between my lungs. I don't like this sensation. At all. While I'm in this state, I repeatedly remind myself that this is under my control, everything is okay, nothing is wrong, just keep going and I'll see. Then I do a cool down and hit the shower.

What I'm trying to do here is give my stress-laden body something to do with all that stress: instead of storing it up, throw it all into the workout, realize that stressing about stress doesn't help anything, and then the rest of the day goes so much better. I don't feel super-happy or anything, but I can actually manage my emotions. I can remind myself not to dwell on misfortune, instead of getting knocked on my ass by a whirlwind of sobs and tears. (As a nice side effect, my machine-tracked estimated calories burned per day is actually going up, so my new goal isn't getting in the way of the old one; it's more of a perception shift than anything.)

It's strange, looking back on the emotionally distraught person that I can sometimes be. When I'm like that, I don't think very clearly. I get distracted easily. I forget things. I make poor decisions. When I'm that person, I don't even realize how bad my situation is, because I'm dwelling on other problems.

I'm not at my personal peak today, but I'm in the higher reaches. I feel pretty good. I got my main chores done and I get to play with my little nephews tonight. The big one asked what my favorite Legend of Zelda game is and if he can play it, so I'm trying him out on Link's Awakening; the little one likes to blow bubbles and run around frenetically, trying to catch them all. Good times!