I would like to know that they're both okay, but it's probably just as well for my health that I don't have any means of contacting them or knowing what they're up to. A healthy friendship is good for both sides; this one wasn't.

On some level, I think I am still hoping that I can find and impress Jack so that I may finally be declared "good enough" to participate. I don't like that realization. It's not a healthy way to live.