Hi. My throat has a red stripe at the back of my mouth! It's scratchy and my head is heavy, but it doesn't hurt to swallow so I figure it could be worse.

I don't understand how forum software can exist in 2016 that doesn't generate RSS or any other feed format and doesn't even provide email subscriptions. I suppose they expect every user to bookmark the site and dutifully check in regularly to see what's new, and that is so ridiculously far from my own experience that I cannot fathom how anyone could imagine that being a good plan. I do know that email can be a twisty thing to wrangle, but I don't see how RSS and Atom are too hard for a software developer who knows what they're doing and gives at least one actual fuck.

There are a few things I should get to doing now, one of which is rest so I get over this throat thing. I think I will read another chapter of Ava's Demon before I decide which to try.

I still ain't dead, thank you. I've been sleeping rather poorly. At the moment, I feel more alert than I have in days, so I wanted to eke out an update while the eking was good. Or something. (I said I'm more alert, not that I'm totally on the ball. This is as good as my attention gets right now. I don't like it any better than you do.)

I got a bee in my bonnet about wanting to play my vintage games on the living room flatscreen. This nothing new. But this time, I griped enough that my brother wanted to see my much-lamented lag for himself. He came over with a Nintendo 64, all the cords, and a cart of The World Is Not Enough, and went to town.

"I'm not seeing it," he said.

So I tried for myself. All I proved was that I am still pretty bad at TWINE, but nothing about alleged lag.

Super Nintendo. Fired up a save file still on the first island, took the Star Road shortcut to Bowser, and I beat him.

Prior to that day, I would have sworn on a stack of Bibles that the TV in the living room lagged so much that basically everything was unplayable. I was 100% certain.

I don't know if my memory is that malleable (which is terrifying to consider), or the one or more of the TV's relatively few settings got changed by accident, rendering a delightful change (which would be upsetting if it ever got accidentally reverted, with no knowledge of how to restore the desirable state) or if I am currently hallucinating or what. Maybe the internet isn't real. Maybe you're all inside my dream! (That's enough Link's Awakening, Ree, back to Earth now.)

What I do know is this: I can beat Super Mario World on the living room TV. I can very likely beat any of my SNES games on it (except the sims; I don't think SimCity has a win state, and my Civilization best is merely surviving under Stalin's bootheel).

I've been enjoying the GameCube and Game Boy Player lately (finished a run through Dragon Warrior GBC and am well pleased with myself). I am tantalized by the possibility of throwing my entire weekend into a replay of Eternal Darkness. I won't actually let myself do that, but I could if I truly wanted to, and that alone is pleasing.

I currently possess a computer that is neither a slow-ass pile of slag nor a self-freezing failbot. I have gotten a proper IRC client installed. The good folks of the chat helped me figure out how to temporarily disable the touchpad, which allows me to type without wanting to defenestrate the contraption.

My interactions with electronics are really good lately! I hadn't realized just how good until typing it out like this. Yay!

I'm less satisfied with my creativity, which has quite stagnated. Earlier in the week, I had an idea for a tiny scifi story and set myself to getting it written post-haste. It was like trying to weave wet cotton candy. Every strand I grabbed or even reached for just dissolved before I could get put anything together. I have the dregs saved, but it's looking like this was a burst of inspiration that just won't hold up in story format. I might write the basic gist as a sort of Tumblr outline fiction ("so there's this person who discovered this thing, and they use the thing to do this idea....") and see what others think of it. Maybe somebody can write a formal story of it it, even if that somebody isn't me, and may not be anyone I know directly. That's pretty cool too.

My alertness is fading and I need to finish the laundry. Bah. After the laundry's done, if I remember to do it, I think I'll reward myself with some Crazy Taxi; there's a timed mode so I can't completely lose track of time, and sooner or later I'll need a break from the music. I like it okay, just not hours of it at a stretch or it starts to eat my brain.

bai!

I don't have a title for this post. Possibly my posting speed is outpacing my coming-up-with-title-ideas speed, which is fine with me. Yay posts.

My leg and arm are black and blue. I tried to hop over a chair, but my toe caught a book, and I fell across the chair and against an end table. As I think I said in chat today, if I'm going to be clumsy (as indeed I am), at least I am impressively clumsy. I was like a Rube Goldberg machine for creation of hematomas upon oneself! More pragmatically, it's only bruises. I didn't break a bone, damage an eye, get concussed; I didn't even bleed. As injuries go, these are soothingly minor. I will be sore for some days, sure, but in a few years, I may have forgotten all about it.

There are posts at Pro. There are posts at Pro. This is awesome. Technically the posts are presently at a temporary home (which I delight in calling Pro Tempore), but they exist and there is a thread of conversation and Stuff Happening and I love it dearly. Wonderful Pro!

Tonight will be busy for me so I plan to relax beforehand.

I made the slightly short-sighted decision to try my hand at a new website coding project. At the moment, I'm elated because I got a datum that I needed into the code where I needed it. I'm not an experienced programmer by any stretch, so I'm going to leave that unborked code alone until tomorrow and ride the high of "it did a thing yay!" for today. Whew! Now that my foot is in the door, I think the remainder the the project shouldn't be too bad. It won't be something I can slap together in 15 minutes, not at all, but it should be fully doable. The worst part would be if I decide to get all fancy and check user groups (which would require additional coding) but that isn't at all necessary for the immediate future.

I made a thing and it worked. Wheeeeee. Feels good.

Speaking of feeling good, I spent the weekend before the last laid up with a sore throat, and when I was feeling better, I went for a long walk in bitter cold wind. Guess what happened then! Yup, Return of the Sore Throat! I was still sick this past weekend. Ick. But it did give me plenty of time to collect information about my project while I felt too ill to actually get into the coding, which likely helped a great deal. Information is good to have.

Got messages off to a few people online who were/are going through assorted Not Fun. I can't change their circumstances, but I can offer a listening ear and some sympathy. There was a time when my own life was too much for me, leaving me nothing to offer to anyone else in need; I was not a good friend then. I'm glad that I'm doing well enough now to extend a hand to those around me, even while I wish they didn't need it, because I want all the good things for my friends and none of the bad. And I wish it didn't all hit the fan when I was still shaking off that stupid throat bug.

Looking forward to stuff.

Somehow I got in the habit of just barely keeping house: dishes and laundry would get done, but very little else would. That has caught up with me, as tomorrow my home needs to be close to maximum tidiness, so I have spent today scrubbing and wiping and airing out. I'm enjoying the result.

I haven't written more on my roleplay-like story, but I did start logging when and why I wasn't writing. I decided I may as well use my character accounts to post my excuses more or less in character. Today's post used wording along the lines of "I'm busy but I'll return later, with great joy" and then I couldn't resist letting another character (Artemisia) hijack the thread with a reply that still makes me laugh:

So when you're done, you'll be back to ketchup with relish?

So yeah, whatever worries I have had about not finding my characters' voices are nicely quashed by that bit and assorted others. That's quite the cheering discovery.

I haven't written anything on my little roleplay-lite story since last week. I've been sick (though it's down to an occasional sniffle by now) and apparently, when something eats into my energy and free time, writing is the part of my life that takes the hit.

That's vexing because writing is more important to my idea of myself than, say, getting in as many free-to-play games as I can, but the games are getting done and the writing is not. My idea of myself is kind of bullshit, huh. I don't like it but I'm not sure what, exactly, to do about it.

Part of it is simple bikeshedding. At least once this week, I've signed into my little space and imperfectly rearranged the navigation links over and over until I ran out of time to write anything. It's maladaptive. And it's how I tend to handle uncertainty when I don't know what my character should do next.

I must be lonelier than usual today: I'm signed into two different communication protocols, one of which required re-registering my old account name before I could use it. Naturally, nobody seems to be chatty while I am. I'll divert to some actual work and maybe try again a little later, after taking a look at my story to figure out where I'm stressing and how to relieve it.

I've been procrastinating, just now, by going through my internet bookmarks at random. One such page was archived from years gone by. I saw a familiar name, clicked it, and unexpectedly found myself reading what appears to be the real-life name of an online friend from back then.

Curious, I plugged it into Google.

If the results I found are the same person as my friend, then they have had some unfortunate things happen. There was a long, difficult time in their life, but they seem to be doing well now.

I'm glad to think they're happy. I'm kicking myself that I didn't reach out back then, but the dates I found... their difficulties had some serious overlap with mine. Perhaps we would have just piled our woes together and neither of us been any better for it. Certainly I wasn't in any position to help, no matter how much I would have liked to be. And I don't even know if I have the right person - how common is that name, in their region? How could I know that? I'm not about to contact a random internet person on the off-chance that I knew them half a lifetime ago; I am far too shy and anxious for that.

Still, if I did find the person I knew.... it warms my heart to learn that they're well.

Yesterday, my 3DS flashed a green light, meaning it was exchanging StreetPass data with another 3DS system. It's not like I've never StreetPassed before; my husband, brother, and several other people I know all have their own 3DSes, and I make sure to visit StreetPass relay points from time to time. But StreetPassing someone I've never met, without leaving my house? That is a brand new thing to me. I cherished this unforseen event, played all my StreetPass games so I wouldn't waste a precious StreePass, and was happy.

It happened again today. Same person.

Maybe it's just a neighbor's holiday guest... but maybe one of my neighbors got a 3DS for Christmas. Maybe we will keep StreetPassing! That would be lovely.

tl;dr I am weirdly happy b/c my video game system is doing exactly what it was built to do.

Man, I keep forgetting to write here.

After a string of days ranging from downright unhappy to so-so, today has been distinctly good. Lots of little things: an inexplicable stain that washed out perfectly, one load of dishes less than usual, a sizable cache of discounted Hallowe'en candy, the discovery that http://rainwave.cc/ is basically my iTunes library but more.

I fell into the usual Circle Ent. trap again. That is, Circle had a game on the 3DS eShop sale, and it had a demo, so I played the demo; the demo cut off just when I was getting really into it, so I bought the full version so I could continue playing. This time it's Fairune; last time it was Witch & Hero. Someday I'll stop being surprised.

Anyway, Fairune is fun. Very short, but fun. The iOS and Android versions are free; the 3DS version (which has a few puzzles the free versions don't) is normally $3, currently marked down to $2. And I get to play as a girl! I get to start in a pretty dress (the game even says so) and then I get to gear up and fight evil. Yay!

I made a shortsighted New Year's resolution that I would spend as much or more time playing as a female protagonist as a male. Since my main gaming loves are turn-based RPGs, Zelda, and some Mario, I am dearly looking forward to the end of the year and the return of my old favorites. (At some point I stopped keep track and just didn't bother to play anything unless I could play as a girl, having gotten thoroughly pissed off at my meager options. I've since caved to a playthrough of EarthBound, which currently sits around two-thirds in, but I'm sticking to my guns. Or, you know, to my Sword of Hope or Cracked Bat or whatever.)

The thought occurs that I abuse commas. Whoops. I'm out of practice at this writing thing.

Lately I've been reflecting on some shit that went down in 2004 or so. At the time, I was part of an online roleplaying group. (Haven't I always?) The group's leader went and founded a second, very similar group, which was trying to co-operatively write a novel (or several) and get it/them published.

When I found out about it, I was invited... to proof their posts, not to actually join. I would be permitted to play in their sole non-novel roleplay area, and nowhere else, so long as I cleaned up their shit and knew my place.

I did it. For weeks, maybe months, I did what they wanted. They posted crazy numbers of posts every day; I dutifully combed through and corrected them. Eventually a virus kept me away for a week, after which I felt the weight of their daunting post count and ran away. How long would I have kept going if my health hadn't stopped me?

I wish I had the vocabulary to describe this accurately. I think that those events hurt me badly enough that something in the back of my brain decided that potential repeats must be avoided at all costs. So when I'm trying to work up the nerve to jump into something that feels too much like that hurtful experience, this piece of myself starts screaming at me "no no no avoid avoid avoid". Because that's supposed to be helpful, see, it's supposed to protect me from pain by getting me to freak out and agonize. Agony being the same as pain, brain, that is not as helpful as you seem to think.

Apparently the next several days are going to be full of non-routine stuff for me. I expect I'll be gibbering in a corner somewhere before Monday rolls around. I think maybe I have one day more before the particularly stressy stuff starts, but I could be wrong about that.

Whatever may come, today I have dried my tears on the sleeve of my most comfortable hoodie, sipped hot apple cider, and found things to giggle about. That's what matters.